Tuesday, January 27, 2009

MS Pixi

Ugh! Pixi ran away today, again. It took me an hour to chase her down, she went all over and wouldn't listen to me. Right now she's in her kennel for the second hour. I'm gonna leave her in there for the rest of the day! She made me sooo mad!
My muscles hurt and are all tingly... stupid MS. I'm tired, and when I came in I was so cold it hurt.
Stupid dog! I really hate that she does that! It's so bad that when she does this it effects me in so many ways. I don't know what to do about her, suggestions?
I know Chris wants to get an electric fence, but I think it wouldn't cost as much if we just patched the hole. It's not a dug hole, like normally with her. She's actually been really good about not digging. She dug the cable line up in an small spot by the house, but we covered it up and she got the point, we think. Also she did tare up a patch or two of the sod that didn't take.
The hole that she keeps getting out of is a separation between the fence and the house. It kind of defeats the purpose of the fence if you ask me. I think they should have left a little of the chain link and attached it to the house. I don't know how to fix it where it'll look good.
I just hate that she gets out like this. It's not fair. Cause now I have to watch her every move and walk her by leash instead of letting her roam free.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Shaking

I've been shaking a lot lately, mainly in my hands. Not that I don't do that on a semi-normal basis, but it's more noticeable lately.
A few nights ago my whole body was shaking, like shivers when you're cold. I am normally cold, but I wasn't cold. I was actually warm. I couldn't stop shaking unless I really really tried.
I think it's mainly because of the weather, and my muscles are tense a lot of the time. Overtension of muscles can cause massive shaking when they relax, and minor shaking while under tension. So I'm not worried, just documenting it to remember.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Living with Multiple Sclerosis and staying positive

This was a video post by someone going through an episode. I thought it was somewhat refreshing to see someone being so positive about it and she has great descriptions of what's going on.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Retiring Hank Dooley's Basketball Jersey: Feb. 3

Ms. O wants to let everyone know that on February 3, 2009, there is a high school basketball game in Yale. During half time of the boys game, they are going to retire Hank's jersey. It would be great if everyone that knew Hank was able to be there. So tell everyone you know.

PS. They will also be retiring David Williams' jersey as well.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Computer Crash

Crap crap crap!
My external memory went caput the other day, so I took it to Best Buy's Geek Squad, and they just called me. They can't retrieve any of it, it's completely fried.
So everything I've had for the past three years (and more) has been erased completely! Grr, this makes me so upset. I don't have any of my music, written works, or (most importantly) my photos! All my portfolio pictures, honeymoon pictures, and any other trips I've taken have been completely wiped clean! I hate this. I put them on that drive so I could have them later, but now I've completely lost them. This is such a big upset to me because I feel like I've lost my memories.
I know this sounds weird, but with the MS I felt I needed to back-up my mental memories, and I thought I could do that with gigabites. I don't know what to do, and it's just making me so depressed. I feel like I've lost all my memories and that I'll never be able to retrieve them again. I hate this.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Nothing Is Impossible

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
- Matthew 17:20


All-powerful Lord, Your might is a part of my life. The incredibleness of this truth is my reason for often neglecting Your resource. How can it be possible that You allow Your children such strength? What an awesome God You are. History shows us that kings of men often strip their followers of hope. But You clothe those in Your kingdom with possibility.
Show me what faith, even the smallest faith, can accomplish, Lord. Next time I face a mountain on my spiritual journey, I will not ask if You will help me to the top. Instead, I will draw forth a faith that requires the obstacle be moved altogether.

Facing the Storm

Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
- Matthew 8:24-26


Craziness consumes me, Lord. Beneath the confidence I show the world, God, You know an ocean of fear rocks and swells. That is why I avoid quiet time with You. I'm afraid to face the storm.
God, I am just like the disciples who followed You and listened to Your many explanations of what it means to believe. I have heard Your parables and witnessed Your faithfulness, yet I cry, "Save me," with little faith. Pull my gaze to Your eyes. Do not let me look at the waves about to crash into my ordered world. When the winds die down and I face You on the calm waters, I want to be found standing as a faithful servant.

Restored by Faith

He touched their eyes and said, "According to your faith will it be done to you"; and their sight was restored.
- Matthew 9:29-30


Heal me, Lord, from the inside out. My spirit is sick from worry and stress. Create a healthy soul inside this temple. I have neglected to nourish my spirit - show me the way back. Wounds ignored for too long need Your healing touch. Remove scars that remind me of old but not forgotten hurts. I trust You to mend my brokenness.
Let me have the same belief when I need physical healing. I know You hear and answer these prayers. Help me to understand that I do not understand the vast number of ways in which You heal. My human eyes can be blind to Your acts of mercy. Restore my sight, Lord. Let me feel Your touch and hear You say, "According to your faith will it be done to you."

Unhealthy Living

Because of your wrath there is no health in my body; my bones have no soundness because of my sin.
- Psalm 38:3


My sin is like a wound. When left unattended, it becomes more painful, spreads, and deepens. The damage becomes more difficult to repair. But when I come to You right away, Lord, and confess my sin, the healing begins immediately. "Freedom from sin" is no longer just a phrase or bit of head knowledge. It is a real happening in my life. I actually have the sensation of a burden removed from my spirit.
Hear my prayers, Lord. Listen to my cries of repentance. Restore the strength of my flesh, bones, and soul.

Letting Go of Nothing

Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.
- Proverbs 4:13


When I filter out needless information from my gathering of knowledge, what remains are the eternal truths You provide. In my busyness, I acquire a lot of worthless detail about so many different things. I memorize addresses, PIN codes, passwords, airport regulations, and word processing shortcuts. There is little room left for Your instruction.
Clear my mind, Lord. Details are important, but when I come to You in prayer, I want to let go of these bits of nothingness. Let them fade away so I can hold tightly to Your instruction as You speak it into my heart.

Justice for All

Many seek an audience with a ruler, but it is from the Lord that man gets justice.
- Proverbs 29:26


I want to be heard, Lord. I always want to tell my side of a situation so an authority can vindicate me. But it is You, Lord, who should receive my call for justice. You are the judge of my soul and my life - why should I seek out any other rulers? In the same way, help me to resist determining the fate of another. It is not my right to stand in Your place.
Lord, guide me in Your ways when there is conflict. Fill me with wisdom, honesty, and courage, and let me rely on their strength if I am accused. Keep me blameless so no harm is brought to Your name. Guard my heart from resentment if I am not treated fairly. May I live out forgiveness and faith, anticipating the justice of love I will receive when in Your presence.

Self-Deception

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
- 1 John 1:8


To maintain my sense of status in the world, I sometimes build myself up with half-truths. I have moments when I would rather believe lies that seek Your truth. I am weak in that way. But the bottom always falls out from beneath plans based in deception. Sooner or later I end up back at the foot of the cross.
I have such sin, Lord. When I compare my human fickleness to Your godly steadfastness, I am ashamed. But there is redemption in faith that is grounded in Your goodness. I return to You and Your unchanging truth.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Longing for Company

And now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heard and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?
- Deuteronomy 10:12-13


When was the last time I spoke to You from my heart? Some days bring trials, others bring joy. Today brings a mixture of both. I am thankful to have entered into Your presence because I was longing for Your company without even knowing it.
Is my day going as You planned? Am I missing something wonderful, important, divine? Help me embrace today's complexities, questions, and ordinary demands. Somehow just sitting here in Your presence is changing my outlook for the rest of today. Did You need to remind me that You were walking beside me? My pace has been so fast, sometimes even reckless, that I forgot how steady a moment can be. With just a brush of Your Spirit, my day has taken on the color of hope.

Off Track

There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord.
- Proverbs 21:30


I have a planner overflowing with... well, plans, of course. Each day's box lays claim to a portion of my life. I know that each time I set a commitment down in blue ink, I am also claiming a portion of the time You have planned for me. I imagine I am steering things in the wrong direction more times than not. I take great comfort in knowing You are able to guide my random efforts back to Your intention for my life.
As I make plans for the days ahead, may I seem Your guidance, Your priorities, and Your will. When I follow Your direction, the meaning of each day is magnified. The possibilities to serve You becomes clear.

Moving On

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
- Isaiah 43:18-19


Free me from the past, Lord. I spend too much time there. Good times that have come and gone replay in my mind so often that I miss the wonder of today's joy. Cause me to return to the present, Lord. Draw my attention back to the life in front of me. My past has nothing to offer You or myself. But today... now... has so much to offer.
Give me a view of new wonders You are doing. I imagine they are brilliant happenings. Do not let my mind slip to the past, except to count the times You have blessed me. Then I must move on. My past serves my future... it is a foundation for all days that follow. Now, I must invest my time, my dreams, my prayers on the future You have carved out for me.

Savoring

A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but fools detest turning from evil.
- Proverbs 13:19


"Be careful what you wish for." Oh, the wise sayings of man! But it is true. The rush of claiming an object of longing pushes aside any thoughts of consequences. I know I set my sights on desires that are not of You. But the pursuit can be sweet nonetheless. Lord, help me see how these worldly prizes are empty.
Turn my eyes and spirit from the road leading to ruin. Set my path in the right direction. Give my heart a passion for Your knowledge, grace, and love. When earthly longings enter my field of vision, let me see them for what they are: distractions. Let nothing keep me from absolute fulfillment in You. Let me savor Your sweetness.

Waiting to Talk

You will call and I will answer you; you will long for the creature your hands have made.
- Job 14:15


I have allowed days and days to go by without talking to You, Lord. In fact, a whole season of life seems to have blurred by while I tapped my fingers and waited for change, peace, better things. Why in a time of drought do I forget to pray for rain? I have failed to keep up my end of the dialogue in the past, and You have been faithful. I suppose it is because You have not left. You wait. You move in and through my life and wait for me to respond.
So I called to You today, Lord. On my knees I bow before You and pray for You to hear me. Before Your presence covers me, I taste the dryness of desperate longing. I understand what it means to wait for a response from someone I love.

Working Toward Maturity

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
- James 1:4


That problem I neglected to give over to You has circled back to me again. While I did not bring it to You, I did toss it into the cosmos, and I thought it would sort of drift forever. Well, it is here now for a return engagement. Lord, help me give this to You once and for all. Then give me strength to learn the lesson of perseverance.
I require so much work, Lord, and yet You continue to provide me with what I need, when I need it. I never lack for anything. I am grateful for the times when You called me to wait, to learn, to push through a situation. You patiently work in my life so that I may become complete in You.

Remaining

Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.
- 1 Corinthians 7:24


I want to shed my current situation. But I know You have called me to be here. This "now" I am experiencing is within Your will. I sense that when I pray for release. You ask me to be patient, willing, and open.
I am overwhelmed by responsibilities I juggle in life. Ordering their priority is not simple. Help me relize that I don't have to understand how all these ieces fit together in a master plan. My only responsibility is to You. My commitment to rest in my current situation is an act of faith. I follow Your call and hold onto the hope of things to come.

Your Perfect Will

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will.
- Romans 12:2


So many choices and decisions seem to fill my world, Lord. I pray to rest in Your will and Your way so that I do not lose sight of my future as a child of God. My work can consume me, and my worries about material things can undermine the blessings. Change my heart, Lord. Let the matters of eternal importance become my priority list.
Oh, how I crave a life of significance. But even as I pray, a flood of insecurities can fill me, and I have no room left for the purpose You wish to pour into my cup. Let me not be anxious to fill my life with clutter and trivial distractions, Lord. Let my life, my heart, my soul be vessels that await the flow of Your Spirit.

Let It Be

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
- Matthew 6:34


I want control over today and tomorrow. I know you can do a much better job, Lord, but I still battle for control. I don't have a great track record when I try to take the reins from Your hands. Let today affect my tomorrow. Give me the strength I need in this moment to give You my tomorrow.
There will be worries. There will be struggles. But tomorrow is also filled with possibility. I am inching closer to eternity, and this is a journey I want to savor, not suffer through. Give me the courage to live fully today and await tomorrow with great hope.

Hope and a Future

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to Prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a faliure."
- Jeremiah 29:11

My to-do lists and the task reminders that pop in my computer screen reflect a bit of my nature. Lord, I like to know what will occur and how it will take place. No surprises for me, please. I equate the unknown with potential problems. Cure me, Lord, of such a pessimistic view of my future. I have hope... I just want control too. It is so very shortsighted of me to have such little trust in You, the Creator of the world and of my life.
Reach out and still my active worried mind so it recives and accepts Your Word. You have places to prepare me and not to harm me. Replace my anticipation of complications with assurance of security. May I start and end my to-do lists with prayers of thanksgiving.

Release Me from Worry

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
- Luke 12:25-26

Lord, you are my source of strength in all things. How do I forget that Your mighty hand is placed upon my life? Today, I give over to You the many things that occupy my mind and my heart. Help me to release my worries to You as they take hold of me. These anxieties keep me from embracing the life You have planned for me. Your mercy surrounds me with comfort. Your love is my source of strength, and it is my future.
Meet me today, Lord. Here in this moment. In the midst of the troubles that weigh me down. Sometimes it is difficult for me to ask for help. To admit to weakness. But my soul is weary, and I want to give my burdens over to You. You are a mighty, faithful God. Thank You, Lord, for hearing my prayers today and every day. My spirit is buoyed as my prayers are spoken. I love You, Lord.

- from "One-Minute Prayers for Women"

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Much ado about... a sink

Okay, the reason we're not moving into the new house until next week, and the reason there was so much stress and waiting on the closing, was that the sinks were too short.
I know that might not sound like a big deal to some, but it is to me. Chris didn't notice because he's so tall that all sinks are short.
It bothered me when they first got but in, but no one listened/believed me. I finally got to measure the sinks in the new house, the ones in our current rental, and the ones in the model home. The sinks in the new house were 2.5-3 inches shorter than the rest. I tried to tell people, but they just brushed me off.
Finally, the day before closing, I told them we weren't going to close unless they promised to solve this problem. I didn't expect them to fix it that day, I just wanted a contract stating that they would soon fix it.
There was much arguing that I wasn't directly a part of. They tried offering us installation of fans, and grannet to put as a breakfast bar. I said "those are great, but I still want the sinks fixed... In fact I just want the sinks fixed. I don't care about the other stuff. We were planning on doing that ourselves anyway."
They finally, begrudgingly, agreed. But they said we couldn't move anything in until they were completely done, for liability sake. We agreed, it makes sense.
I just hate that it took me being so bitchy for it to get fixed. I'll just be glad when we can get moved in and unpacked.