Rubber Gloves

My hands are doing that no-feeling glove thing it does. On my left it's from the pinkie out, on my right it's from the thumb out. My shoulders feel like they've been sunburnt. My legs are not cooperating, I can't stand up for long periods of time. I'm so tired that I don't like holding myself up for long periods of time. I wish I was at home in bed. I really just want to sleep.
You know how it feels when you lay on your arm and it falls asleep? That's how my arms feel most of the time all over, except the inside ridge. I feel so weak. I just want to sleep. I'm very close to letting everyone out early today, but I know it'd be wrong. 2.5 hours to go... urggghh.
Chris thinks that the symptoms flared up because I started taking Alli. I think it's because all the stress we've had lately. We both thought it was the ring, because right after we got a sizer for it was when I started noticing it. But I've had to go without my ring for a few days (which make me very nervous and unhappy) to double check that theory. I figure we'll cut everything out and start introducing everything one by one slowly. The problem is that it takes a few days to a week for symptoms to show up.

This Week Review

This past week hasn't been awful, but I've started to note a decline in my feeling capabilities. My left hand has once again gone numb from the palm of the hand through the pinkie, ring, and middle fingers. It makes it odd to do anything, like type, with this hand. I think this is just due to a pinched nerve. It is, nevertheless, annoying. Also my legs are acting up again. I've noticed these symptoms for the last few days. Probably started around Tuesday or Wednesday with the legs, around Sunday or Monday for the hand.
That and I'm tired, but the fatigue is probably due to the late night I had yesterday. I went out with a friend to dinner after work and we stayed out for a while, which was nice, but now it's really kicking my butt.

Anxiety

So I'm kind of dragging because I've got a lot of anxiety. I mean, Chris and I want to move back to Oklahoma eventually. Chris wants to move back sooner rather than later. I'm kind of blah about that decision because... well, it's a decision and I don't do those well. Also, what job would we each have? I'm trying to line up a job for him at OSU, because I know of an opening that he could do. Also he'd have state insurance. I'm trying to line up so I can work at the ranch. Maybe my pay is that my personal insurance is paid, cause that's all I really need if I'm at home and Chris pays for groceries and stuff. I wouldn't need to be paid much at all that way.
So I've got things worked out as far as that goes... except the actuality of it. I'm just starting to get a hold of people for Chris' job, and my insurance relies on my pay for whatever job I might get. So, if he gets the job we're routing for, I'm not sure if I will be able to go right away or not. I'm hoping so, but we've gotta get everything else lined up as well.
Part of another anxiety is the house. If we move... I JUST bought this house. I haten to turn around and sell it after saying I'd be in it for at least five years. It just doesn't seem right. Especially since my folks had to help me out with it so much.
Argh...
School anxiety, work anxiety, house anxiety, love anxiety, life andxiety. It's so easy for me to turn every which way and see something to be axious about (anxious in the bad way). It's flu season, grr. I've got to go get that shot soon. Medical anxieties. MS anxieties... everything anxieties. Anxiety about anxieties! Grr!

Fat

Urgh. I'm fat. Don't give me that crap. I am. I weigh more than I have my entire life... and now I'm getting married. When I tried on Jen's bridesmaid dresses I had to wear a (eak!)... well, i'm not even going to say it, but it was in the plus sizes! I hate this. All I am is hungry.
Not only that, but because I'm hungry, I'm pissy. I'm easily bitchy today. Yesterday I wasn't hungry at all, but I still ate because I knew I needed to. Today I'm hungry as all get up. I hate that feeling. My stomache sits on the counter. I hate that. I hate being fat, and I hate being hungry. How am I both?! Shush. Grrrr...