Ickie feelings

I have been achie and dizzy for most of the day, when I wasn't sleeping. This is nothing new or big, just my average saturday. I'm hungry... and it's ten thirty at night. I don't feel full, my mouth wants more, but my stomache is protruding. I'm overweight (yes, I know most of you would be kind and disagree, but the scales don't lie)... but I can't stop eating. I want peanuts... no, pizza.
This is not the big part of this ickie feeling. I've been thinking, not a good thing to do when one is feeling badly. I live way outside my means, and I shouldn't... I shouldn't have to either. But due to the major pay decrease I took, I can't even think about supporting myself. Why should I be the one to get further punishment for being descriminated against? There's no justice in this trade I made.
I keep trying to figure out what I'm going to do when Chris goes off to college. I'm worried about rent. I can't afford anything more than what I'm paying... and I really can't afford that. I've got medical bills my family shouldn't be having to pay; and no matter what, no matter who is actually paying for my things, I shouldn't be barely scraping by, if scrapping by at all. Why am I barely getting by? I don't want you too feel sorry for me, or anything like that. I am just getting my thoughts out there. They've been rather down and out lately.
Please don't read this wrong. I just needed to get my thoughts out. I'm confused. I mean, here I am, in desperate measure to get a puppy (yes, I say for Tira because she does need a friend) but how am I even going to support it... I can't even support myself. I do well... but my parents help, and I don't want that to have to be the case my whole life. I want to be able to support them, and my own family someday. I was doing fine. I had a good paying job... and I could it. But now, I love my new job, but it just doesn't pay as well. I don't know what to do or how others do it. The biggest anger I have at it is that I shouldn't have to. This goes back to the change of job. I shouldn't have had to change my job. She should have been punished. And this angers me, because it's as if nothing happened. I came to this company because they could afford me, now it's like I can't afford life here. It's just not fair.
And now I want eggs... scrambled.

Friday the 15th

Slightly dizzy on and off all day... counter clockwise.

Achie

Oye, I hurt. I hurt yesterday before I even got my shot, and I feel all achie today too. Just an update. It's not the flu, it's just achiness like the flu, but no fever, caugh, etc. Just achieness. Oye.

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the Serenity
To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it.
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will.
That I may be reasonably happy in this life,
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
Amen.

Bouncing Back

Slowly. But I am getting better. My hands are still having their MS thing going on, which will just take time to pass. I rested some more yesterday and today and every time I've awoke I've felt a little better. I've had to rest a lot, though. Even today, I wasn't able to make it through church. I made it through Sunday school, but had to go home after that and rest. This cold/flu is killing me. But it is getting better. My sinuses have cleared, my throat is coating itself again, still itches but not as irritating. Yeah! for getting better!
I need prayers for a meeting tomorrow... for a change in wind. Love you all!

The Day After

Yesterday was my shot day. And I was sick. The cold/flu/whatever was aweful yesterday. I could only work half a day, and barely that. My body ached and my sinuses killed. I slept most of the day. In the evening Chris gave me my shot and I took him out to eat at Red Lobster... It was his birthday!!!
We didn't stay out long, but he's such a great guy that he was so happy just to sit on the couch and watch TV for his birthday.
Anyway, yesterday I noticed my hands feeling a little tight... they still do somewhat today, but my left hand is worse. The tips of my fingers have no feeling and tingle at the scond digit. Today I don't feel as bad, but at the same time I do. I can tell I'm getting better because I can breate through both sides of my nose! Yeah! (you gotta celebrate the little things) I still ache, and earlier this morning I couldn't breathe but couldn't stop coughing. Now I'm up and eating a little... but I'm gonna head back to bed for a little bit too. I'm just so tired.
Anyway, the shot went well. The needle burned, and for no more than 20 min. after. It wasn't like the other time. Other than that, it went really well. He's an expert at giving the shots now.
Okay... I tell you these things not for you to worry, but because I'm trying to log things someplace and keep you updated. Remember, don't worry. Be happy.Love you guys.

Ickie Sickie

Sick today. Yesterday I was a bit achie. Today it fell into an all-out sinus thing. My nose runs and is stuffed up. My ears itch. My throat burns sometimes. I'm taking stuff for it, so... it should clear up. Yeah! for weak immune systems!

Recovery Day

So, the shot hurt, and I had a burning. I spent a good hour and a half (close to two hours actually) trying to find someone to explain to me what was going on. I called the hospital, non emergency. they told me to call the pharmacy, so I did, they told me to call my doctor. The doctor's answering service told me to call the hospital. So I decided another route: I called the Avonex people. They told me to go to sleep and the burning would go away.
I did, and it did. Now, all I have is the pain of a bruise. It's not as much pain as it is anoyance most of the time. It's cool though, because one of my MS buddies online (through facebook) told me she goes through this normally and to put ice on it and take benedryll... and that it lasts a week. Yucky, but at least it doesn't burn any more.
Thank you guys. I know that this is kind of a boring read, but I just want to make sure nobody's worrying about me. It's all good. Love ya!

Friday 9-15-06

Alright, tonight was shot night. Chris gave it to me in the hip. The needle was fine, but after that split second, I felt a burning sinsation... I guess when the liquid was going in. But since then that burning hasn't gone away. It's too late to call the Avonex people, but I'm going to call them tomorrow. This is the first time I've felt something like this... the burning. It's not comfortable.
But the shot itself went well. Quick.
Otherwise, the rest of the week has been pretty normal. I'm trying to keep a list of what's going on. Wednesday: the lower half of my body tingled when I sat. On Thrusday: I had a huge migrane which just made my body drag.
Today was great, though. Lots of energy, etc... minus the burning.

CPAP and Apnea

Okay, for those of you that are curious in the CPAP and sleep apnea I've gathered some information from the web for you. Basically (so you don't have to read the whole thing) sleep apnea is what happens when I wake up constantly because my muscles relax so much I don't breathe anymore. To correct this I use a CPAP. CPAP stands for "continuous positive airway pressure." Basically it's a machine that pushes a constant passage of air through your system (nose). The American Sleep Apnea Association (ASAA) recomends the use of a CPAP machine for people with sleep apnea so that their airway can't collapse.
From here on out, it's web information so read when you have time:

CPAP is a treatment that uses slightly pressurized air throughout the breathing cycle. This makes it easier to breathe and get more air. CPAP can be used by mouth, by nose, or through ventilation tubes. Nasal CPAP is given through a mask that is placed and secured over the person's nose or nose and mouth. Slight positive pressure is used to increase the amount of air breathed in without increasing the work of breathing.
Sleep apnea: A temporary suspension of breathing occurring repeatedly during sleep that often affects overweight people or those having an obstruction in the breathing tract, an abnormally small throat opening, or a neurological disorder.
Symptoms of central sleep apnea include cessation of breathing during sleep, often causing frequent awakenings and complaints of insomnia. In central sleep apnea, breathing patterns may also be disrupted during wakefulness. Other symptoms may relate to the underlying neurological condition affecting the brainstem, and may include difficulty swallowing, change in voice, or limb weakness and numbness.
Normally, muscles in the upper throat keep this part of the airway open, allowing air to enter the lungs. Although these muscles relax somewhat during sleep, they retain enough tone to keep the passage open. If the passage is narrow, relaxation of throat muscles during sleep can obstruct, or block, the passage and hinder or prevent air from flowing into the lungs.
Individuals with obstructive sleep apnea may have airway obstruction because of excessive relaxation of throat muscles or because of an already narrowed passage.
Because many patients with obstructive sleep apnea have no major structural defects in the airway and are not obese, other factors such as disordered control of ventilation and changes in lung volume during sleep may play a role in causing the condition.
Soon after falling asleep, the patient with obstructive sleep apnea typically begins snoring heavily. The snoring continues for some time and may become louder before the apnea, during which breathing stops for 10–60 seconds. A loud snort or gasp ends the apnea, followed by more snoring in a recurrent pattern. Decreased oxygen level in the blood during the apneas may cause decreased alertness and other symptoms, while disturbance of the sleep pattern at night may cause daytime drowsiness.

Fri-Sat

This is just an update for everyone. Friday was shot day, and the shot went really well. Chris administered it to me again. He's getting really good at it, I only felt the needle go in, and he warmed it for me, so I couldn't even tell when he took it out or pressed the liquid in. I bled a bit more than normal, but that's fine.
On Saturday, I woke early to find my symptoms well on their way past where I had been getting used to them. Lately my Saturdays have been relatively easy to bare with, and had minimal side effects (which was really nice). But this Saturday, today, I had full blown side effects at 5am. And yes, I did take all the other medication at shot time, so that was no different. I guess I usually sleep through the effects, but today I woke to go to the restroom and felt pain and aches all over. I hurt. So, I took some more alieve and went back to bed. When I woke back up I didn't ache any more, but my head swam most of the day in a weird "overmedicated" feeling. Kind of like when you take dymatap or nyquil during the day, even though it's for nighttime. So I wasn't drowsy, but my balance was off and I felt like I was in a fog most of the day... still kind of do.
So I'm off to bed. Again, nothing to worry about or anything. I just figure you'all ask how the shot went and everything about how I felt the next day, so I thought I'd document it for you guys so you wouldn't have to ask (I'm not saying I mind, I just know that I'm not always that coherant when people call on Saturdays).

Tubeless in Alabama

Yeah! The tube is out! It was relatively painless. The nures was right, it hurt more ripping off the tape than taking out the tube.
I'm feeling better, but I still have a way to go with oral follow up meds. But I can feel my legs, which is always a good thing. The hot flashes will subside after a while. I'm just happy to have that darn thing out. Yeah!

IV League

I've recently become the newest member of the MS IV League! No, I'm not going of to some brick adorned college of yore. I'm just currently experiencing my first major flaire-up.
YEAH!!!
urgh.
I get to walk around with a tube in my arm for the next few days. Every day at 4:30pm Chris and I settle in to relax and watch a movie while a gravity cathiter drips liquid medicine through my veins for two hours. This treatment is apparetly common for people fighting the MonSter.
It is rather nice that I did get pricked with a needle only once. But I should have chose my arms wiser. Note: Don't pick your dominant arm for an IV that's going to stay in for longer than a day... or hour.
It's kind of funny, because if I do have to go to the hospital for, God forbid, anything I come fully equiped and ready to drip. No needles needed. Hmm... maybe I should just keep it in for a while. Or maybe we should all be installed with IV's so we don't have to worry about that darn needle! Or maybe, I should just lay off the typing until the medicine stops making me loopy.
Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
Night, folks.

Sleep Apnea

I've been doing some sleep studies and it has shown that I have sleep apnea. The good thing is that this explains my insomnia and extreme fatigue and napping. :) Trying to stay positive. Chris has assured me that after I get my CPAP hooked up and settled in I'll have the best sleep of my life... because, technically, I've never had a good night's sleep that I can remember. So, that is very exciting... honestly!
I would recommend a sleep test to anyone... ANYONE and EVERYONE. If nothing else, it's kind of a cool thing to go through. And, honestly, do you really know what you do when you sleep? I didn't know I kicked so much, which is part of how I would wake myself up when I stopped breathing.
I look at my family and go, "huh... sleep problem? Not me!" :) j/k. I love you, Rano family, but between the snorers, kickers, and narcoleptics I don't know why we all don't get it done. It's like taking a night away in a hotel room. And I find it's always interesting to find out more about yourself.
For Instance: I'm able to put together these facts and make my own (very, very un-scientific) conclusions: a) I have low blood pressure. b) I have multiple sclerosis. c) I have sleep apnea. So my conclusion IS (dum-dum-very-dum!): Due to my low blood pressure, my heart rate and breathing slow down when I rest to a very unstable depth. Thus, the sleep apnea, in which I do not obtain the oxygen needed and wake myself up at very random times. This lack of oxygen has caused the plaque/leasions in my brain over time, and lack of proper sleep. This, in turn, has caused my MS.
Now, I am no doctor by any means, but this seems very likely to the currently drugged up (perscriptions, people!) me. But, not to be repeated to the sane public. Just a theory of a young girl.
Anyway, my real conclusion is this: Take a sleep test, it's worth the rest.

Multiple Sclerosis

In the past few months I have been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I've been slowly getting used to the idea, though it still hasn't hit me that this is for life. My family has been the basis of my support group. Chris, my boyfriend, has been a great support through this task God has given me. And his family has been a strong prayer basis for me as well. All of you, whom I know read this, have been a great support for me. Thank you. You know how hard it is for me to get a shot at the doctors, and now I'm able to give myself one... though lately Chris has been stepping in whyen I need a break, or need not to have a nervous break-down.
Thank you, everyone, for your support. I am stronger because of your prayers and good will.