What does Disney have against mothers?
By Aisha Sultan
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
03/15/2008
My Disney discomfort hatched with an innocent question from my daughter, then 3 years old: "Where is Belle's mommy?"
The princess who loves to read seemed to be raised by a single, dotty father. No explanations for her missing mom. And she's far from the only motherless Disney character. Parental abandonment runs like a river through the original fairy tales from which Disney characters were drawn, and the theme continues to the most recent blockbusters. Snow White's mother dies in childbirth or soon thereafter. Ariel the Mermaid's mother never makes an appearance, and Jasmine's departed one gets fleeting mention. Pocahontas is on her own. And we all know about Cinderella's stepmom issues.
Given the Disney princesses' rock star status among little girls, I started to wonder: What does Disney have against mothers? Many of us can recall the iconic heartbreaking scenes when Bambi's mother is killed or Dumbo's mom is torn away from her baby elephant. Nemo's mom is cruelly eaten by a barracuda.
The theories behind Disney's "matricidal obsession" range from Disney creators devaluing motherhood to crass commercial and emotional exploitation of a sappy formula — that works.
"Historically, there's a good reason why in traditional fairy tales there aren't any mothers," says Jack Zipes, author of "Why Fairy Tales Stick: The Evolution and Relevance of a Genre." At the times when many ancient fairy tales originated, mothers frequently died young or in childbirth.
But that doesn't explain the continuing popularity of Disney's dead/absent mommies and the plethora of modern single dads in the movies. The lack of a nurturing mother figure is even more pronounced when considering the prevalence of scary older women — the Sea Witch in "The Little Mermaid," Cruella De Vil in "101 Dalmatians," the stepmother and witch in "Snow White," the jealous witch who curses Sleeping Beauty and the stepmother in "Cinderella."
The fairy tales that endure resonate with us because they tap into our deepest fears, capture a struggle to which children can relate and deliver a happily ever after. We connect with dysfunctional families. We fear losing our parents or orphaning our children.
Zipes says the role of mothers has stirred reactions since the beginning of storytelling: "There is a very deep, evolutionary psychological problem in a lot of these tales, and that's why we keep coming back to them. Because they raise issues we still haven't resolved."
I find the absent mommies more disturbing than the dead mommies. It bothers me when they are invisible, like Belle's mom — gone for no reason and unneeded. At least the deaths are seen and felt as tragic events, signifying a life-changing moment for the characters, which they eventually overcome. But when the moms just don't show up, it feels cold. It plants a haunting seed of doubt in a 3-year-old's mind that we can abandon our children even when there are no barracudas chasing us.
I don't remember how I explained Belle's lack of a mommy. Little girls fancy themselves as these princesses, and I wanted to create a backstory with a loving mommy character.
But I just didn't know how to spin that Disney magic.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
update, not to worry! for myself
Legs from knees down, and right side from ribs down, are needle-point numb. This means that they are no longer tingley numb, which is a good thing, because that gets annoying. But I do have to watch out because I can break a toe without knowing it because I won't feel it. Because it's all in my legs it really throws off my balance; it's like the world is one of those giant bouncey castles... and I'm trying to get through it. So, of course I look very drunk doing my daily tasks. My right leg is just very warm all the time, like an internal heating pad. Anything cold just feels wet, it's very odd. Sometimes I feel pain if the muscle is flexed.
Monday, March 03, 2008
What Living with MS feels like
If you're like me, sometimes it's hard to explain to people what different MS symptoms feel like. Below is a great list that I had e-mailed to me that makes it a bit easier to explain it to people.
When We Say We Can't do Something Because We don't feel Well, put yourself in Our Shoes By Using The Examples of our Symptoms Below...
- Painful Heavy Legs: Apply Tightly 20 LB ankle weights and 15 LB thigh weights then take a 1 mile walk, clean the house, go shopping and then sit down - how ya' feeling now?
- Painful Feet: Put equal or unequal amounts of small pebbles in each shoe then take a walk, if we are mad at you we would prefer needles to pebbles.
- Loss of Feeling in Hands and/or Arms: Put on extra thick gloves and a heavy coat then try and pick up a pencil, if successful stab yourself in the arm.
- Loss of Feeling in Feet and/or Legs: Ask a doc for a shot of novocaine in both of your legs and then try and stand up and walk without looking like the town drunk. Hopefully you won't fall down.
- TN (Trigeminal Neuralgia): Take an ice pick and jam it into your ear or cheek whenever the wind blows on it, or a stray hair touches it. If you want something easier to do, get someone to punch you in the jaw preferably daily.
- Uncontrollable Itching: Glue or sew small steel wool pads to the inside of your shirt, pants and undergarments wear them for an entire day.
- Tingling: Stick your finger in an electrical socket - preferably wet.
- Tight Banded Feeling: Put 12 inch wide belt around you and make is as tight as you can and leave it there for the entire day. How ya' breathing?
- Shots: Fill one of our spare needles with saline solution, saline won't hurt you, we would love something worse but don't want to end up in jail. Give yourself a shot everytime we do our shot.
- Side Effects From the Shot: Bang you head against a wall, wrap yourself in a heating pad, wrap your entire body with an ace bandage tightly then finally treat> yourself to some spoiled food or drink.
- Trouble Lifting Arms: Apply 20 LB wrist weights and try and reach for something on the highest shelf in your house.
- Spasticity: Hook bungee cords to your rear belt loops and rear pant leg cuffs then for your arms hook bungee cords to your shirt collar and cuffs on shirt sleeves then go dancing.
- Poor Hearing/Buzzing in Ears: Put a bee in each ear and then put a plug in each
one...Bzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz
- Balance and Walking Problems: Drink 100 proof grain alcohol and then sit and spin in an office chair for 30 minutes, now get up and see what happens.
- Urgently Needing to Pee: We put a .5 liter remote controlled water bag and drip tube in your pants, we point out 2 restrooms in a crowded mall, then we tell you that you have 30 seconds before we activate the water bag (by remote control) to get to a restroom. Just for spite we may make that 20 seconds without telling you.
- Bizarre and Inexplicable Sensations: Place tiny spiders on your legs or arms and
allow them to periodically crawl around throughout the day, heck all day would be good too.
- Pins and Needles: Stab yourself repeatedly with needles all over your body or better yet....Get a very large tattoo in your most sensative area.
- Dizziness (Vertigo): Get on a gently rocking boat all day and all night and take
several walks around the deck with your eyes closed.
- Fatigue: Stay awake for two full days to induce incredible fatigue and then cook dinner, clean the house, walk the dog and see how you feel. Please do not compare MS fatigue to you being tired from only a few hours of sleep - it's not the same at all.
- Cognitive Function (Brain Fog): Take a liberal dose of sleeping pills but stay awake. Try and function properly and think clearly. To make it even more real without killing yourself of course, take the sleeping pills with a small sip of wine.
- Bowel Problems: Take a 4 day dose of an anti-diarrhea medicine followed directly by a 3 day dose of stool softeners for a minimum of 3 weeks, at the end of 3 weeks sit down on a hard uncushioned chair and stay there till tears appeared.
- Burning Feeling: Make a full pot of boiling water and then have someone fill a squirt gun with the boiling water and shoot it at yourself all day long. However, you can give us the pleasure of shooting you instead...optional of course.
- Intention Tremor: Hook your body to some type of vibrating machine try and move your legs and arms.....hmmm are you feeling a little shaky? You are not allowed to use anything fun for this lesson.
- Buzzing Feeling When Bending Our Heads to Our Chest (L'Hermitte' s): Place an electrical wire on your back and run it all the way down to your feet, then pour water on it and plug it in.
- Vision Problems (Optic Neuritis): Smear vaseline on glasses and then wear them to read the newspaper.
- Memory Issues: Have someone make a list of items to shop for and when you come back that person adds two things to the list and then they ask why you didn't get them. When you come back from shopping again they take the list and erase three things and ask why you bought those things.
- Foot Drop: Wear one swim fin and take about a 1/2 mile walk, nothing else needs to be said for this one, you'll get it.
- Depression: Take a trip to the animal shelter everyday and see all the lonely animals with no home. You get attached to one or more of the animals and when you come back the next day you come in while they are putting her/him asleep.
- Fear: Dream that you have lost complete feeling in your feet and when you wake up wiggle your feet, just so happens they don't move. Think about this every night wondering whether something on your body won't work the next day when you wake up.
- Swallowing: Try swallowing the hottest chili pepper you can find.
- Heat Intolerance or Feeling Hot When it's Really Not: You are on a nice vacation to Alaska. It's 35° outside and 65° inside. Light a fire for the fireplace and then get into it. Once you have reached about 110° tell me how you feel, even a person
without MS would feel bad, now add all of the above symptoms - welcome to our world.
Then Finally...
After subjecting yourself to the items above, let everyone tell you that you are just under a lot of stress, it's all in your head and that some exercise and counseling is the answer.
When We Say We Can't do Something Because We don't feel Well, put yourself in Our Shoes By Using The Examples of our Symptoms Below...
- Painful Heavy Legs: Apply Tightly 20 LB ankle weights and 15 LB thigh weights then take a 1 mile walk, clean the house, go shopping and then sit down - how ya' feeling now?
- Painful Feet: Put equal or unequal amounts of small pebbles in each shoe then take a walk, if we are mad at you we would prefer needles to pebbles.
- Loss of Feeling in Hands and/or Arms: Put on extra thick gloves and a heavy coat then try and pick up a pencil, if successful stab yourself in the arm.
- Loss of Feeling in Feet and/or Legs: Ask a doc for a shot of novocaine in both of your legs and then try and stand up and walk without looking like the town drunk. Hopefully you won't fall down.
- TN (Trigeminal Neuralgia): Take an ice pick and jam it into your ear or cheek whenever the wind blows on it, or a stray hair touches it. If you want something easier to do, get someone to punch you in the jaw preferably daily.
- Uncontrollable Itching: Glue or sew small steel wool pads to the inside of your shirt, pants and undergarments wear them for an entire day.
- Tingling: Stick your finger in an electrical socket - preferably wet.
- Tight Banded Feeling: Put 12 inch wide belt around you and make is as tight as you can and leave it there for the entire day. How ya' breathing?
- Shots: Fill one of our spare needles with saline solution, saline won't hurt you, we would love something worse but don't want to end up in jail. Give yourself a shot everytime we do our shot.
- Side Effects From the Shot: Bang you head against a wall, wrap yourself in a heating pad, wrap your entire body with an ace bandage tightly then finally treat> yourself to some spoiled food or drink.
- Trouble Lifting Arms: Apply 20 LB wrist weights and try and reach for something on the highest shelf in your house.
- Spasticity: Hook bungee cords to your rear belt loops and rear pant leg cuffs then for your arms hook bungee cords to your shirt collar and cuffs on shirt sleeves then go dancing.
- Poor Hearing/Buzzing in Ears: Put a bee in each ear and then put a plug in each
one...Bzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz
- Balance and Walking Problems: Drink 100 proof grain alcohol and then sit and spin in an office chair for 30 minutes, now get up and see what happens.
- Urgently Needing to Pee: We put a .5 liter remote controlled water bag and drip tube in your pants, we point out 2 restrooms in a crowded mall, then we tell you that you have 30 seconds before we activate the water bag (by remote control) to get to a restroom. Just for spite we may make that 20 seconds without telling you.
- Bizarre and Inexplicable Sensations: Place tiny spiders on your legs or arms and
allow them to periodically crawl around throughout the day, heck all day would be good too.
- Pins and Needles: Stab yourself repeatedly with needles all over your body or better yet....Get a very large tattoo in your most sensative area.
- Dizziness (Vertigo): Get on a gently rocking boat all day and all night and take
several walks around the deck with your eyes closed.
- Fatigue: Stay awake for two full days to induce incredible fatigue and then cook dinner, clean the house, walk the dog and see how you feel. Please do not compare MS fatigue to you being tired from only a few hours of sleep - it's not the same at all.
- Cognitive Function (Brain Fog): Take a liberal dose of sleeping pills but stay awake. Try and function properly and think clearly. To make it even more real without killing yourself of course, take the sleeping pills with a small sip of wine.
- Bowel Problems: Take a 4 day dose of an anti-diarrhea medicine followed directly by a 3 day dose of stool softeners for a minimum of 3 weeks, at the end of 3 weeks sit down on a hard uncushioned chair and stay there till tears appeared.
- Burning Feeling: Make a full pot of boiling water and then have someone fill a squirt gun with the boiling water and shoot it at yourself all day long. However, you can give us the pleasure of shooting you instead...optional of course.
- Intention Tremor: Hook your body to some type of vibrating machine try and move your legs and arms.....hmmm are you feeling a little shaky? You are not allowed to use anything fun for this lesson.
- Buzzing Feeling When Bending Our Heads to Our Chest (L'Hermitte' s): Place an electrical wire on your back and run it all the way down to your feet, then pour water on it and plug it in.
- Vision Problems (Optic Neuritis): Smear vaseline on glasses and then wear them to read the newspaper.
- Memory Issues: Have someone make a list of items to shop for and when you come back that person adds two things to the list and then they ask why you didn't get them. When you come back from shopping again they take the list and erase three things and ask why you bought those things.
- Foot Drop: Wear one swim fin and take about a 1/2 mile walk, nothing else needs to be said for this one, you'll get it.
- Depression: Take a trip to the animal shelter everyday and see all the lonely animals with no home. You get attached to one or more of the animals and when you come back the next day you come in while they are putting her/him asleep.
- Fear: Dream that you have lost complete feeling in your feet and when you wake up wiggle your feet, just so happens they don't move. Think about this every night wondering whether something on your body won't work the next day when you wake up.
- Swallowing: Try swallowing the hottest chili pepper you can find.
- Heat Intolerance or Feeling Hot When it's Really Not: You are on a nice vacation to Alaska. It's 35° outside and 65° inside. Light a fire for the fireplace and then get into it. Once you have reached about 110° tell me how you feel, even a person
without MS would feel bad, now add all of the above symptoms - welcome to our world.
Then Finally...
After subjecting yourself to the items above, let everyone tell you that you are just under a lot of stress, it's all in your head and that some exercise and counseling is the answer.
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