Pregnant vs MS

Today is the first day during the pregnancy that I’ve felt like I had MS again. I was tired, and my legs were all tingly for a few hours. Everything felt heavy, and it was hard to do stuff, even decorate the miniature tree we have. I couldn’t bring myself to tackle the big one. I resigned myself to taking a nap even. First time in a while I’ve done that.
But I have to look at not what’s happened today, but this past week. It’s Thanksgiving week, so of course it’s been busy. Yes, I’m not working, but that didn’t stop me from having a whirlwind Wednesday of cooking up cookies, and making mashed potatoes… and having to run around and find the ingredients I had forgotten. It was a stressful Wednesday for me. I had also taken the dogs to the kenneling place early that day.
But yeah, I forgot mashed potatoes needed milk, so I (stupidly… never ever do this! Even though everything turned out all right) left them on the stove to boil while I went and got milk at McDonalds. I didn’t need a lot, like half a cup, otherwise I would have just ran to the store. But it was just as quick, and I got the right amount. Problem was my loving husband, whom I love, felt the need to show me something when I was getting ready to leave. It took him a bit of time to get the box of goodies from the freezer. Meanwhile, I just kept getting more and more adjectated because I knew there was stuff that needed to get off the stove and it was past the time they should have been on. My head was reeling with thoughts of a burning house due to overdone potatoes all because I needed half a cup of milk.
When I finally got back to the house, all was fine... except my nerves probably. I know I was in a bad mood, but I wasn't mad at Chris, I just kept thinking how stupid I was for doing something like that. I promise I won't do it again.
And I've gotten used to schedules (for the most part) and so when we didn't leave on time it threw me for a loop again. Why was it taking so long to leave the house? I couldn't even tell you. It just did. We got there, to our dinner destination on time and everything was good. I just felt stressed the whole day, when I shouldn't have. But I did it to myself.
Of course Thursday was Thanksgiving, but not a lot of stress there other than "what do I do?" Everything was already made, or in the final stages when we got there that morning, right in time for breakfast. That fact didn't bother me, I mean, that's why I had cooked the day before... so it'd be easier on the day of. So it was a bit more relaxed, but with all the cooks in the kitchen I felt somewhat useless. So I started taking pictures, until my camera battery died. Then I helped by chopping veggies. Other than that, it was a pretty relaxed Thursday. But emotions were high on my end, and I think it was due to residual bad moodiness from the day before. I was easily annoyed and had to go on a walk to calm/cool down. But it didn't completely work, and I just had to have my loving husband remind me that I was a bit pregnant and due to emotional tendencies. Everyone went on a walk after the dinner and had a grand time looking at one neighbor's extravigant light show. Very impressive, and the dinner together with friends and family made me feel better. Over all, Thanksgiving was a good day.
Then came Black Friday... a stressful day in general. But I thought, from the talk the night before, that it would be actually very reasonable. It seemed to me that Thursday night we had all made a very structured plan. But come the day of, and everyone was confused. "Where are we going? Where are you going? Where do we want to meet? But I thought..." etc. urgh. I thought we had a plan, but it turned out not. Everything still worked out. We went the places we wanted to without hassel, just not in the time frame I thought we had set out for ourselves. This meant that Chris and I left "on time" rather than earlier. The on time schedule meant we would get home in time to pick up the dogs, which was the main thing. But if we had left earlier we could have taken the long way home through Yale and stopped by my family for festivities. But it turns out it was better we didn't anyway. So in retrospect it all worked out for the best. But durring, it was a bit stressful for me.
So three days of on-again off-again stress, yeah... I can see why I was tired today. I have to watch myself and have to remember I'm not Super Woman. I may have the super power of "creating" (not in the God sense, just biologically/scientifically) life, but that doesn't mean I don't need a nap. And sometimes I have to remind myself of that. Because I kept sitting there today going "why am I so tired? I'm not doing anything, and I haven't done anything today." It didn't make sense, till I sat down and starting typing this out. Now it makes total sense, and I'll just have to remind mysef of it next year... and this year at Christmas. Relax, Jess... take a deep breath and nap if you need to. It's perfectly fine, and understandable, considering... I know, I just talked to myself. But it made me smile. Of course now my big stress is that I took such a great nap and can't get to sleep. It'll probably be another hour, but I'll get there... Night.

MS Pixi

Ugh! Pixi ran away today, again. It took me an hour to chase her down, she went all over and wouldn't listen to me. Right now she's in her kennel for the second hour. I'm gonna leave her in there for the rest of the day! She made me sooo mad!
My muscles hurt and are all tingly... stupid MS. I'm tired, and when I came in I was so cold it hurt.
Stupid dog! I really hate that she does that! It's so bad that when she does this it effects me in so many ways. I don't know what to do about her, suggestions?
I know Chris wants to get an electric fence, but I think it wouldn't cost as much if we just patched the hole. It's not a dug hole, like normally with her. She's actually been really good about not digging. She dug the cable line up in an small spot by the house, but we covered it up and she got the point, we think. Also she did tare up a patch or two of the sod that didn't take.
The hole that she keeps getting out of is a separation between the fence and the house. It kind of defeats the purpose of the fence if you ask me. I think they should have left a little of the chain link and attached it to the house. I don't know how to fix it where it'll look good.
I just hate that she gets out like this. It's not fair. Cause now I have to watch her every move and walk her by leash instead of letting her roam free.

Computer Crash

Crap crap crap!
My external memory went caput the other day, so I took it to Best Buy's Geek Squad, and they just called me. They can't retrieve any of it, it's completely fried.
So everything I've had for the past three years (and more) has been erased completely! Grr, this makes me so upset. I don't have any of my music, written works, or (most importantly) my photos! All my portfolio pictures, honeymoon pictures, and any other trips I've taken have been completely wiped clean! I hate this. I put them on that drive so I could have them later, but now I've completely lost them. This is such a big upset to me because I feel like I've lost my memories.
I know this sounds weird, but with the MS I felt I needed to back-up my mental memories, and I thought I could do that with gigabites. I don't know what to do, and it's just making me so depressed. I feel like I've lost all my memories and that I'll never be able to retrieve them again. I hate this.

Much ado about... a sink

Okay, the reason we're not moving into the new house until next week, and the reason there was so much stress and waiting on the closing, was that the sinks were too short.
I know that might not sound like a big deal to some, but it is to me. Chris didn't notice because he's so tall that all sinks are short.
It bothered me when they first got but in, but no one listened/believed me. I finally got to measure the sinks in the new house, the ones in our current rental, and the ones in the model home. The sinks in the new house were 2.5-3 inches shorter than the rest. I tried to tell people, but they just brushed me off.
Finally, the day before closing, I told them we weren't going to close unless they promised to solve this problem. I didn't expect them to fix it that day, I just wanted a contract stating that they would soon fix it.
There was much arguing that I wasn't directly a part of. They tried offering us installation of fans, and grannet to put as a breakfast bar. I said "those are great, but I still want the sinks fixed... In fact I just want the sinks fixed. I don't care about the other stuff. We were planning on doing that ourselves anyway."
They finally, begrudgingly, agreed. But they said we couldn't move anything in until they were completely done, for liability sake. We agreed, it makes sense.
I just hate that it took me being so bitchy for it to get fixed. I'll just be glad when we can get moved in and unpacked.

List of Stress

This is a list of stressful stuff just so I can get rid of the emotional issues behind them:
1. Wedding dress running late.
2. Bridesmaids dresses not being done on time.
3. Bridal Palace giving the wrong dresses to the maids.
4. MS drug test may be put off.
5. Not knowing if I want to go through with drug test due to side effects.
6. Money money money.
7. Feeling like I'm lost, and not knowing what to do.
8. Being sick.
9. Asking for/taking days off.
Everything is making me feel depressed. I can't avoide feeling dispair... I can't stop thinking about everything. My head is swimming. Even if I stop thinking about one thing, I think about another.
I don't know what to do or how to just stay calm and start feeling better... about everything.

Money

One of the biggest things I stress about the most is the M-word: Money. I worry about the wedding costing way too much... every time I look at something online, or think about the dress. I worry about the house being out of Chris and I's budget. I worry about the Yale house costing waaayyy tooo much in reconstruction. Will I ever find a job... let alone two? And what about Chris' not being all the time?
Anyway, there's all sorts of worries but that's a big one.
I don't want to have to rely on my folks or Chris' all the time for stuff, or have them feel like we're using them for every little thing.