Memories

Today I was reminded of a very old and very painful sadness. It's weird. I sit in the office talking to my dr., and all the sad memories I bring up and am almost on tears about don't hurt and make me feel the way this one does. He's an aweful person that I miss. And it puts an aweful feeling in my life. I suddenly have a waive of depression worse than, and different than, any other. I think it's worse because how it makes me feel. I don't want to stop thinking about it, as much as I know I need to to get out of the funk it's set me in.
I mean, I was having a perfectly great day, when all of a sudden a face came up on my computer screen that, in spite of not seeing for years, I knew so well. I cannot describe my pain for him as anything other than sadness. Immediately questions of "why?" explode in my mind, almost to fast to catch them, but then they all barrage me and leave wounds so deep I don't think any answer another person would give would heal them.